I was shocked when I looked.
And yet here I sit. Over a year later.
I'm currently at the YMCA in the swimming pool area. The temperature is an astonishing 10 plus degrees warmer than elsewhere and I'm watching my little guy as he swims with a friend.
So. Much. To. Say.
This morning in church, I was paused by the lyrics of a song.
One that so many of us know. And yet, it' the different verses and words slid in that grabbed my attention.
Grabbed my heart.
It's not the first time this year that God has used a song with different lyrics to grab my heart. A surprise in the anticipated. A grab worth listening to.
And oh how God has grabbed this year. Yep, that's right.
He has been relentless. R.E.L.E.N.T.L.E.S.S.
I wish that I could say that I have been more into grabbing back. But His grabbing has far outnumbered my reaching back.
Nearly two years ago, I took on a challenge of memorizing 2 Timothy. It was one of the hardest challenges for my brain and yet, the rewards were huge.
Today. I sang knowing that even as my mouth moved, my heart was pausing. Absorbing.
For the unclean, the unholy.
For the broken, the unworthy
You came, Jesus You came.
For the wounded, for the hurting
For the lost, and for the lonely
You came Jesus, You came.
O come all ye faithful
Bow before our Savior
Come let us adore
The One who came for us.
Glory in the highest
Praise the name of Jesus
Our King has come.
For the outcast, the defeated.
For the weary, for the weakest
You came Jesus, You came.
O come all ye faithful
Bow before our Savior
Come let us adore
The One who came for us.
Glory in the highest
Praise the name of Jesus
Our King has come.
O come let us adore Him.
For He alone is worthy
Our King has come. Our King has come
O give Him all the glory
For He alone is worthy
Our King has come, Our King has come.
And in the heels of that song, the 7 words of a book memorized over a year ago chugged through my heart and mind.
If we are faithless, He remains Faithful.
Every single one of the nouns mentioned in the song are words that I would say I've journeyed this past year plus. There have been many, many days were the sting... no the BURN of loneliness has threatened to drown me. I've felt defeated far more than I have felt victorious. I've felt unworthy of the gift given me. I've circled the path of mourning and drank from the river of bitterness. One hand holding a cup of hope and the other despair. I've been every single word mentioned in the song plus others.
Yes, I've walked clinging to His pinky. I've cried out for His healing and His mercy. I've prayed deep, raw, honest prayers. I've taken the next step and the next. Most often than not, I've been thankful to be standing. I've been thankful to know that He is a God who P.U.R.S.U.E.S. I belong to Him and He Ain't letting me go... no matter what!
It's not a matter of all of one and none of the other.
I realize that I've been far more faithless than faithful.
And that's the thing that grabbed my attention.
Even when we are faithless, He remains Faithful.
Faithful to His children.
In a season of figuring out this momma thing, continuing the transition back to the States, mourning, and being challenged in deep ways, I've watched Him remain so F.a.i.t.h.f.u.l.
He has declared truth over my life.
And when my ears haven't been able to hear the vertical message, He has spoken loudly and faithfully through His messengers.
He has melted my heart towards a certain mischievous, heart bigger than the canyon young man.
He has not budged in who He is.
He has not withheld love from me. He has instead, showered love separate from anything about me or what I've done... or not done.
He has pursued the rawness and realness of the depths of my heart and whispered peace and freedom.
He has...
And He is. None of the words above are past tense. This is a season of walking.
And being real. And watching Him manage the current.
He ALONE gets ALL the glory.
For He ALONE is worthy.
Our King has come.
Jesus has come.
Jesus who sees us not as we see ourselves, but as who we are IN HIM.
I might feel feel Unclean. Unholy. Broken. Unworthy.
I might be wounded and hurting. Lost and lonely.
But the truth is I am none of those things.
Because He came. Became Jesus came.
I am Declared Clean.
John 15:3. Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you.
I am Holy, Set apart.
Deuteronomy 7:6
6 “For you are a people holy to the Lord your God. The Lord your God has chosen you to be a people for his treasured possession, out of all the peoples who are on the face of the earth.
I am not broken.
Isaiah 53:4-5 4Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted. 5But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed
And the list goes on. One by One. The things we feel.... the things I feel are debunkable.
Our King has come.
Our King has come.
Our King has come.
He has come.
For All of you.
For All of me.