Wednesday, July 8, 2020

Inhale Hope. Exhale Hope

It has been over a year since I have brought fingers to this blog.  Late 2018 to be exact.  I had to play with the site in order to figure out how to write a new post.  Eeeekk.  Not what I expected, but since when is life what we expected.  I've learned that very little is ever how we expect it to be.  Very. Very.  Little.  But thankfully the very little is not void of nothing.  Very little still leaves the door open for something.  And it is in the something that brings my fingers to the keyboard.  

Right now, I'm sitting outside watching the clouds attempt to claim their territory. The rain seems to be losing though every once in a while, the rain hits the ground.  And I'm absorbing the persistence of the sun admist the demands of the rain clouds.  

And my heart inhales.  And exhales.  Slowly.  Appreciatively.  With resolve.  

There are so many battles going on right now.  So many.  

So many that I bet lots of our heads feel like they are spinning.  And with that could come a spinning heart.  

It's hard to keep track of everything.  

And yet, there is much to keep track of.  

Do I wear a facemark or not?  
      Do I prepare for no school in the fall or count on there being school? 
           How do I stand up and strong for my black sisters and brothers?  
                   How do I process my own prejudices?  
                         How do I change?
                              What does it look like to do so?  
                                  Do I cheer for another stimulus check or cringe at the what that could mean for our                        
                                  economy down the road?
                                        Do I stock my cupboards full of food or buy only what I need?  
                                               How much do I share with my not so little guy?  
                                                      And the questions go on... and on... and on.. 

I don't feel panicked.  
I just feel aware.  Aware that life will probably never go back to how it was pre-Covid.  
And for some things, that's GOOD.  
And for other things, I get a little sad.  

Sad for the fear that has seemed to blow like the wind... into the crevices once filled with little worry or thought. And while vigilance and awareness are so important, I cringe for the many, many who have gone weeks without hugs.  Weeks without touch.  Weeks without their front door opening and  couches not dimpled by the weight of a visitor.  

For some... no, for many, that is their reality,  And it's gutting to watch.  I see it nearly every day as I enter into the homes of my patients.  I get to dimple their couch...  I get to ring their doorbell... and I get to put my hand on some shoulders and embrace others with a much needed hug.   

So much change... so much hard for so many.  

And so many opportunities. 
         So.     So.       So.    Many.   

The opportunities are vast.  

Fill someone's tank.  
Buy groceries for the one behind you at the store. 
Look someone in the eye.   Let them see your smile in your eyes. 
Take a stand. 
Take a seat.  
Sneak a hug. 
Pick up the phone. 
Pick up groceries for someone's grandma or grandpa.  
Exhale Hope. 
Inhale Hope.  
Pop in someone's window and say hi!  
Make a cardboard sign of affirmations and plot them in someone's yard. 

Allow the Son to be stronger than the rain clouds.  

My fingers are loosening up.  I'm excited to be writing again.  

So much to say.  And yet for this moment, I am inhaling the Hope and pray that I will exhale as He leads. 

May I take each opportunity. Each.  One.