Thursday, December 18, 2014

An annoying leach...

It's 11 days before I board a plane and head back to the States.  11 days with a whole lot of living that needs to happen.  Right now, I find myself at Adonai Guesthouse.... an unexpected trip in and an opportunity for a few minutes of just overlooking the city.  I am going to miss this place.  The sounds, and the smells.... and for sure the people.  And I can't lie... I am, for sure, going to be missing the warm weather.   Right now, it's about 75 degrees with a slight breeze.  The sun is peering through a few scant clouds.... and it won't be more than a few hours before the sun will be much more intense.  And in those moments... I might be missing the 75 degrees with a slight breeze.  So hard to imagine that in just a short time, I will be all bundled up..... in the coldness of Fort Wayne.  But, for sure... I will be with many dear friends.  And over the course of the next 4 months, I will have the gift of seeing many more friends and family.  It will be good.  Speaking of peering out.  It was brought to my attention earlier this week that I was peering out behind some fear clouds.  It was leaving me heavy and burdened.  I didn't even fully realize that fear had leached onto me.... until I was writing and watched as the words from within found their way to paper.  As I reread what I had written... I realized that I had an unwanted visitor.  Fear.  I think it started while I was in Nairobi.  November was a hard month for Kenya.  Over the span of about 10 days, 64 individuals were killed.  For some, it was while they were in transit on a bus from northern Kenya to Nairobi.... and for others.... it was as they were sleeping at their job in a quarry.  They were attacked by members of the Al-Shabaab group.  If anyone was able to recite from the Koran... they lived.  If they were not, they were killed.  Most were shot.  A few (with varying reports between 2-4) were hacked to death.  I was in Nairobi when both of the situations happened.   I was sitting with a handful of Kenyans as they stared at the tv screen and heard about the 36 men at the quarry.  You could palpate the pain.... the unsettleness.  And somewhere in there, that fear leached on to me.  And as it leached, it's tentacles started reaching into other areas.  I found my mind thinking of what I would do if I was faced with proclaiming Jesus or denying him.  I was fearful that i would deny Him.  That was a hard pill to swallow... because I love my Jesus.  I found my mind fearful in other areas of my life.  Fearful.  I was fearful in areas that I am not normally fearful.  I asked a friend if I could pray with her.  And we found a time.  God allowed the Skype to work near perfectly.  It was as if we were sitting face to face in one room.  I started sharing and what came out was a plethora of fear.  Fear about this... and fear about that.  What had started as a small little leach had grown into something much bigger and just like a leach, it was pulling life out of me.  And Banange... (Oh Goodness), I didn't want that.  I want life.  And so, with two computers, a Skype connection, a friend, and my God... I poured out my heart.  And as I poured out my heart... the fear left me.  And in it's place... came the peace of my God.  That night as I went to bed... my heart was peaceful.  More peaceful that it had been in a couple handful of days.

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