It's well after 10 and for this young chic... it is way past my bedtime. In my earlier days, the clock would often tick midnight before I found my pillow. But as the years have gone by, my internal clock has demanded more sleep. And I don't hesitate to comply. Sleep comes quickly and before I know it, the roosters are greeting the day. My eyes often open before seven somehow ready for the day. Right now, my mind is refusing to let me sleep. And so here I am bringing fingers to keyboard. I've just nearly finished my vacation, my leave. It has been a delightful 2 1/2 weeks of refreshment, relaxing, exploring, processing, and being. It has been absolute food for the soul. Good times with good peeps. Tomorrow, I head back to New Hope. I head back to a life I have come to love so much. Today, as I sat at a restaurant overlooking one of Africa's largest lakes, I found my heart absorbing my surroundings. I sat next to a couple having a last meal with one of their mothers. They left so she could catch her flight. As the wind blew on my face, I found my heart stirring. It's been stirring for a while. Today was the day for the stirring to find its voice. I had brought my computer with me. Nestled within my bag, I had hopped a boda boda and made the journey from the guesthouse to the restaurant. Pulling it out, I found the words just pouring out. So often, when I write, I write with the intention of updating my blog or writing with some other intention. Today, I wrote to an audience of One. To my God. And boy, did my heart cry out. God has been challenging me to share my heart with Him.. it's been a theme for much of this year. To be honest, I often pause, often struggle to do so with certain areas. I have no problem acknowledging something to Him as hard... even opening up to a certain depth. But with certain areas of my heart, I struggle to go much deeper. And He has been so patient with me. Nudging my heart. Waiting patiently. Yet, not absently. And so today, the words flowed. And my heart poured out. And though I was sitting at a restaurant with a bunch of people, I seriously felt like I was sitting side by side with my God. And in reality, I was. And it was healing. These last 2 1/2 weeks have been healing....have been rejuvenating...have been food for the soul. Not because my life is in a bad place (anything could be further from the truth), but as is the case anywhere... life can grab you by the earlobes and propel you into a life full of busyness. That busyness can become your worst enemy. That busyness can stifle you, rob you, and distract you. And today, with the wind blowing on my face and the sound of water in the distance, my heart tucked under the shadow of the last two weeks, opened up. And my God and I sat. And He listened as I poured out my heart.
Psalm 62:8
"Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us."
And that's that. Thankful for His patience and His pursuance and His unwillingness to let me be stubborn with certain areas of my heart. He wants it all. And tonight, I give thanks for His pursuance with my whole heart.
Psalm 86:12-13
"I give thanks to you, O Lord my God, with my whole heart, and I will glorify your name forever. For great is your steadfast love toward me; you have delivered my soul from the depths of Sheol."
So thankful for my lunch date with my God today.
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