Not a mistake....

I am on a mission.  

I've just written nearly a million emails...  ( :  

I'm making my list of things to do.  

I'm feeling VERY productive.  

The power has gone on and off several times.  

But as of right now, the power is on.  

The generator has since become quiet.  

I am wide awake.  Though, I best be heading to sleep sometime soon.  

I just wanted to hop on and let you all know that the 2 months time at the hospital are nearly finished.  

The 40 required days.... are now down to 2.  

I have been stretched in huge ways.  And my heart has been led.  

When the council told me that they were requiring me to complete 8 weeks in a hospital.... my heart was not so happy.  To be brutally honest, my pride took a hit.  And I just wasn't up for what I was being asked to do.  Some of it was practical.  Nursing training is so different here than there.  And I wasn't up for any more dying.  I felt like I was maxed out on it.  I  told God I couldn't do it. 

And after my heart calmed down, I heard His whisper.... His assurance that this was not a mistake.  

I let His whisper trickle VERY slowly down through my ears and into my soul.  

I am thankful for His patience.  

And I am smiling as I write.  It hasn't been all easy.  

I've held many hands.  Prayed with some.   Laughed with others.  And swallowed the lump in my throat on a good handful of others.  

Made strong connections with nurses and had to submit my ways of doing things to how things are done here.  There has been bending and there has been a few times where I have politely declined to bend.  

I've compressed the chest of a man a few years my junior and just recently compressed the chest of girl younger than my niece.  Neither survived.  

I held the hand of a man only known as unknown, unknown. I remember telling  him... God knows exactly who you are.  

God whispered to my heart that this was the way to go.  

And in His whisper, there was no guarantee that it would be easy.  

I felt maxed out on death... but I think that God knew I wasn't as maxed out as I thought I was.  

Maybe my recent journey's on the path of mourning allowed me to walk with others just beginning.  

As my time comes to an end, I can honestly say that I am thankful of the time. I know with a confidence that only comes from Him that these days were not a mistake... and honestly have been used by Him on a much larger scale.  

He is leading.  And I am following.  

And in less than 48 hours, I will wrap up my last day at the hospital and treat myself to a chocolate croissant.  

and I will Smile, not because it has all been peachy rosy dandy..... (quite the contrare)... but because I can truly say that my time wasn't a mistake.