As we say here.  The time is R.U.N.N.I.N.G.  It has been nearly one month since I boarded a plane and began the journey back to Uganda.  And here I sit nearly one month later.  Sitting at the consultation desk listening to the mop hitting the bucket and water splashing around as the clinic is cleaned.  Music is coming up through the speakers of my computer.  The day is still young and I am embracing the quietness of these moments.  Soon, I anticipate that the floor will be muddied by the footprints of those needing assistance.  It rained early this morning and the ground is damp with moisture.  And even as I type this, the rain is pattering on the roof.  A light patter.  But a patter nonetheless.  

In so many ways, it has been SO good to be back.   And in between the SO are bits of transition, bits of hardness, bits of knowing that I have to depend on my Jesus.  And He has been so sweet to me.  One of the things that the Lord really impressed upon my heart was the need to have margin in my life.   

I wrote about it a few months ago.  My eyes had come upon it when I was reading a book.  

"Margin is a powerful concept.  It creates opportunities.  For businesses, margin is one of the top priorities.  Margin in business creates profits.  Margin in family creates memories.  Margin in our personal finances creates generosity.  Margin in our friendships creates significance and impact.  Margin in our lives overall creates options.  Options to pursue dreams, think, pray, relax, meditate, process, grow, and ultimately live life more fully." Brad Lomenick

It was so impressionable when I read it the first time.  It has been impressionable still to this day. 

A convicting salve to a heart that had been running at a cheetah's pace for entirely way too long.  

And not necessarily in a good way.  The pace had left little room for... well the extra's of life.  

I knew coming back the pace He had showed me needed to remain.  

To be honest, I was a bit fearful about what that would look like coming back.  

My heart was convicted... but I wondered how long before the pulls and needs of life would drown out His convictions in my heart.  I knew I wasn't victim to the risk... to the threat.   I had a choice in each moment.  One that required attentive dedication, commitment, and obedience.

And it has been so sweet to see Him create margin in my life.  Almost every morning, I wake up and go out for a walk.  A walk near the secondary school and a jaunt down to the farm.  It's an opportunity to chat with my Jesus and to absorb the absolute beauty of His creation.  The view is breathtaking.  Absolutely breathtaking.  

And the days have been as He has ordained.  

Sweet moments of being with my family group.    We have been learning songs together.  Yours truly has been singing with them.  I only chuckle because my voice isn't necessarily solo quality, but the quality of our time singing together has been really neat.  

Moments of putting cool washcloths on the foreheads and backs of sweet children and adults burning with fever.  

Walking and laughing and walking some more.  Lots of walking.   

Pauses to watch the ants carefully walking up stalks of grass... or meticulously cross the path.    

Slashing and clearing the land around Wizeye's grave.  Doing so with dear friends who knew and loved him.  

Welcoming his momma and son over for an impromptu breakfast and tea.  

So so good to see her.  

Drives into Kampala.  Avoiding motorcycles and bicyclists.  Trusting (and praying) you will reach your destination. Watching God lead and trusting Him for the big requests of my heart.  

listening to lungs, cleaning wounds, and peering into ear canals.  

Peering into the screen and seeing loved ones on the other side of the ocean.   

Yep, these are just a few of the moments.  

Good and Hard.  Big and Little.  All important.  

Embracing what He has for me.  Embracing the margin.  Embracing His sweetness and care for me.  

Embracing

The rhythmic sound of the grass being slashed is seeping in through the windows.  I am sitting on the brown couch... lounging would be a more accurate word..... bringing my fingers to the keyboard.  I can't quite believe that I am back.  Back Home.  I type that a bit cautiously because in so many ways, I just came back from home.  And so as I exhale from a delightful time of being in the States and inhale this coming season here.  I smile.  It is all good.  Embracing where He has me today.  

Embracing.  

I've been chuckling over that word for the last near week.  

It's a good word.  Holding something closely.   Enthusiastically.  Willingly.  Often, this comes naturally.  I've had the sweetness of embracing so many around me in the last couple of days.  Greeting, reconnecting, laughing, remembering, and being.  All good.  All sweet.   The part of me that giggles is that sometimes I just choose to embrace something because it's the best thing to do. 

On the 6th, when I flew from London to Entebbe, I had to choose to embrace the day.  Nothing hugely wrong happened, but a lot of little things that made for an adventurous day.  When I was getting off my flight from Scotland in London, the flight attendant made it pretty clear that my carry-on had to shrink.  She was very gracious, but very clear.  It was too big.  It had grown in Scotland.  360 sachets of proper British Tea along with sachets of medication had joined the already full piece of luggage.  Once I arrived into London, I made use of the repacking zone.  Picking up a shaving razor, I attempted to cut the zip-ties on my big bins.  That was not the wisest thing to do.  Yes, I was able to cram some stuff into the bins (thus shrinking my carryon), but I also managed to slice my finger... twice.  Again, nothing huge.  Except that those two little cuts were determined to voice their presence.  And did they ever! Armed with a wipe, I attempted to hide the bleeding.  But that wasn't doable.  In the end, a sweet British Airway lady had fun dressing my wounds.  I arrived into security with a very impressive (and dramatic may I add!) bandage... one would have thought I had lost a finger.  The bandage came off quickly.   After all that, I needed the Loo.  And well, that too proved to be an adventure.  In the process of flushing, my boarding pass went bulls-eye into the toilet.  Back to a different British Airway lady... this time with a slightly pinkened face.  She was very gracious.  Smiled and let out a little giggle.  In the end, I got a new boarding pass... much to everyone's delight.  And then, before I knew it... I was boarding a plane to Entebbe.  Embracing. 

The embracing can look so different.  Sometimes, embracing is the ugly cry.  Sometimes, it's walking forward when every muscle in you wants to stop.  Other times, it's in the stopping.  

And so I'll keep embracing.  

The sweetness of seeing loved ones here.

The hardness of missing loved ones back in the States. 

The absolute beauty of this country.  The lush greenness and popping clouds. 

The emotions of transition.    

Will I do it perfectly?  Mmmmm... nope.   Not even close...

But I'll keep striving to embrace.  

And trusting as He leads me.  He's got this.  He's got me.  He's got you.  

And for that, I am very very thankful.  

I've mentioned that I have had the sweetness of connecting with so many.  The other night as I was hanging out at my friend Kate's house, I heard a vehicle go by.  I knew it was Ketty returning from chemo. It was late.... but I just had to say hi.  It was a joyous reunion!  So So So good to see her.  We talked briefly and set up time to spend time together the next day.  She looks so good.  And she informed me that I too looked good.  Adding weight here is a good thing and she had no problem pointing that out.  (Embracing.  ( c : )  When we got together the next day, we laughed about that...   It was SO good to sit and catch up.  We did a lot of sharing and a lot of laughing.  She had a coca-cola waiting for me along with Fried Kasava.  So love this friend!  

I feel like I have written so much.  The grass is still being slashed though the intensity of the rhythm has more frequent pauses.  The chatter in another language is also coming in through the windows.  

I leave you all dear friends.  My neighbor friend just became a momma and I have a little baby girl to hold.  

Let's all keep embracing.  

Whatever comes our way today.... may we embrace it.  

May we know that our God's got it.  And us. 

With so much love and thankfulness for each of you.  You all are a gift to me! 

Kimberly/Kimmy/Kim

PS.  Some extra pictures below.  

having a proper British snack on the plane a little while before arriving into Entebbe.
Clotted Cream?  Heard about it....

The view of Scotland.  Thanks Grams and Gramps for such a sweet gift.  

A dear friend.  Natasha and I walked over 40 miles around Scotland.  So many good laughs, chats, and adventures.  

It's official.  The chocolate chips are packed.  And just for the record, they are not all for me.  My containers are NEARLY packed.  And I am slated to leave on a JET plane in just over 48 hours.  It doesn't feel real.  But, in truth, it is VERY real indeed! My time here in the States has been SO rich and So full.  As I stood in church on Sunday, I was teary.  So neat to stand in worship with friends here.  I fly to Europe and will be in Scotland for about 5 days (Thank you Grams up in heaven!) and then journey on down to Uganda.  I am getting SO excited to see friends and family there.  Yep, I said family.  So many there have become family to me.  I will undoubtably miss people here.  Saying goodbye and hello is not easy.  It's a shift in posture as my heart really remains a bit in both worlds.  

As of right now, I am slated to return to the States at the very end of July.  In the beginning of August, I will see a specialist at Mayo.  Thank you to so many of you who prayed for that.  My heart is peaceful.  I will also spend time on the East Coast working on choosing things for a container of medical supplies.  Hopefully, my trip to North Carolina will not include tomato size hail balls.  (like my trip to Arkansas!)  Love you all and so thankful for each and every one of you! You all are a GIFT to me! To my friends here in the states.  I love you and am so thankful for you.  Thank you for such a life giving time .  To my friends in Uganda.  Nsanuse nyo nyo kumbanga njja ku mulabba mu weeki emu! 

For the last couple of weeks, I have been getting online and trying to write.
The words haven't come.  It's been a lot of typing and a whole lot more deleting.
In the end, I would just stop.  Determined that the next day I would write.
And multiple times, I would try to write.
And each time, my fingers and soul were stumped.  And I would stop.

Today, was a hard day.
A cry at the red lights kind of hard.
I know a lot has been going on in my life these last few weeks.
And a lot going on in others around me.

This afternoon, halfway around the world from where I am today, a little girl was laid to rest.
I got that news yesterday as I was chatting with a friend online.
She had been sick for a handful of weeks and last night Jesus called her home.
I am quite confident that today she is doing something that she was never able to do here on earth.
I am very sure that she is moving her legs freely... running and dancing freely.

The day before that I chatted with Ketty.  A friend who has become a very dear friend to me.
We had a candid conversation.  The reality is that she is struggling physically again.
We don't have all the details yet.  Just bits and pieces.  Hints that things are not right.
It was so good to talk with her.  To share.  To laugh.  And to speak out the sweetness of our God.
She may have started out as a patient, but over the months of this last year... she has become a dear, dear friend.

we chatted.  we laughed.  And in the end, we said goodbye.

In faith, I will see her again.  Where that is, I do not know.

And that's where my own journey intercepts.

This afternoon I sat at a Starbuck's with a pen in one hand and a tea within grasp of my other.
I didn't bring any technology with me.  It was me and my Jesus.   I sat.  And I journaled.  And I sipped my tea.  It was needed.  It was necessary.  It was.... well, it was life-giving.

There is something about being honest down to the core of your soul.
Not too long before my time at Starbuck's I poured out my heart to Jesus with a friend.

Realness.
      Pain.
          Yearning.
               Confusion.
                     Vulnerability.
                         
My own heart is on a journey.
       Aren't we all?

These last few months have been a mixture of lots.  lots of time to be and to interact.  lots of time to share about life in Uganda and time to share in life here.  lots of time to laugh, listen, and learn.  There have been moments of pause and moments of activity... and through them all, I would say that it has consistently been RICH and FULL.

And tucked into it all has been the reality of facing my own health issues.

And realizing my own need to trust Him more fully in the journey.

It's not every day that you go to the doctor asking for a blood level and are told that what you have is more serious than you or anyone knew it to be.  And when that happens, the world does in fact seem to slow down a bit.  And your mortality seems to look back at you in a potentially daunting manner.  You either stare back or turn away.  Neither are good options, but somehow both seem to be a necessary part of the process.  And when you've tried both and realize that neither do you any good... you have an option.  To grab the hand of the One who created you and walk hand in hand as He leads you to the next step.

And well, that is where I am.  I think I was trying to lean up against Him.  I wasn't  sure on how to move forward.  And even if I wanted to reach up and hold His hand in the process, I couldn't.  Because  I was holding on to fear, pride, and fleshly frustration.

And today, as I poured out my heart to Him... well, He met me.

And I am so thankful.
I can't get over how relentlessly He pursues me.
He keeps pursuing me.  And pursuing me.  And pursuing me.

So, with my hand in His...I keep walking.

I am needing to see a specialist who will be able to give me the information that I need to be able to understand more fully what is going on with me.  Will you join me in praying for the details for the appointment?  For peace for my soul as I trust Him with the timing?

An April 30th departure would be grand.... but as of right now that's not confirmed.

I don't know.  But, He does.

Tonight was the night I was supposed to write.  The words have flowed from within.
I am thankful for that.  You all are a gift to me and while my natural tendency would be to be
quiet about this area of my life, I know that sharing this part of my journey is important and good.

I'll keep you all posted as I know.

In Him,

Kimberly

Margins

"Margin is a powerful concept.  It creates opportunities.  For businesses, margin is one of your top priorities.  Margin in business creates profits.  Margin in family creates memories.  Margin in our personal finances creates generosity.  Margin in our friendships creates significance and impact.  Margin in our lives overall creates options.  Options to pursue dreams, think, pray, relax, meditate, process, grow and ultimately live life more fully."

I read these words a few days back and paused.
It grabbed my attention.
It made the vertical drop from head to heart faster than my own swallowing.
It permeated deep within.


They aren't my words.
To give credit where credit is due, they come from Brad Lomenick.
But they are words I want to hold on to.
Words I want to model.

I've been quiet these last weeks.
Quiet on the blog, but not quiet in thought.

Lots of walking.
Though I have to say I have done a LOT less physical walking here than back in Uganda.  (c:
But the walking I am talking about has little to do with the physical.  It's been at a heart level.

My heart has slowed down.
I didn't know it.  But in the slowing from a run to a walk, I've seen the margin.  I've experienced the margin.   And I love it.  I am so thankful for it.  And I don't want to lose it.

I want the margin.
I need the margin.

And so I press into my Jesus and I ask Him to show me how to embrace the margin and to walk into the things that He has for me.

I press in.  And I keep walking.

So thankful.

Of course there is so much to write about.
This time has been so good.
Sweet times with so many.
But today, it's about margins.
And walking.

Hoping to FULLY hope

words.  thoughts.  feelings.  transitions.  movement.  upgrades.  lost luggage.  reuniting.  unexpected. laughter.  carpet.  tears.  coldness.  fires.  other side of the road driving.  hugs.  boots.  missing.  internet.  realizing.   The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.  "The Lord is my portion." says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him."thinking.  more thinking.  shopping.  remembering.  being.  sleeping.  staying awake.  choosing.  processing. seeing.  connecting.  listening.  sharing.  realizing more.  living.  mourning.  remembering. living. laughing some more.  

Lamentations 3: 22-24

Hope.  

It may be a four letter word, but in my humble opinion, it is a word that is both fragile and polar.  

It shouldn't be.  But it often feels that way.  

It's a word that has recently been put under the microscope... my microscope.  A word that I have used a thousand times in my life is now said with careful thought.  And more often than before, I pause and hesitate to use it.  

I am on the journey of understanding hope and learning how to understand it more thoroughly... more deeply...

It's something I thought I understood.  And in many areas of my life, I feel like I have understood it.  It feesl like it has flowed naturally out of my mouth.  And yet in a moment, I realized that while there was a freedom with the word and a level of understanding.    In reality, it lacked deeper understanding.. it lacked consistency... it lacked something... something I haven't quite put my finger on.  

fragile. 

promising.  

The words to the verse floated through my mind in a well known tune a bit over a month ago.  

A few days later, I wrote the words on the front page of my journal.  

I thought the words had more to do with his mercies being new each morning.  I had no idea.  

2014 was a full year.  It was good.  hard. stretching. full.  adventurous.  

There was lots of standing...in hope with others.

and it was all an honor.  It was all good... true statement from the pit of my soul.  

Hope.  Something worth clinging to yet at the same time hold on loosely too.  Hope.  To be honest, I don't know how well it stands independent on its own.  It strikes me as a very dependent word.  dependent on emotions.  dependent on circumstances.  dependent on wishes and desires.  

dependent? 

and yet I wonder... should it be independent?  Independent of emotions.  Independent of circumstances.  Independent of wishes and desires.  

independent?

Several weeks back, a friend said something to me.  A belief that she had of me and my future.  She spoke the words and as they made the vertical drop from my ears to my heart, I felt myself tighten.  The buffer of hope that I thought was there...wasn't.  In that moment, I realized that somehow, somewhere hope had made it exit.  

I am not talking about all hope in my life..... I am talking about hope in one area of my life.

Maybe we all have an area that struggles to trust.... to hope.... to assume the best....

I know I do.  An area where I choose each moment if I will stand.  Stand in truth.  Stand in faith.  And more recently, figuring out how to stand in hope.

Do I stand in something.  I hope this will happen or that will happen? Or is the standing in something deeper... something more solid, more promising, more assured?

I've been thinking and processing.

That passage in Lamentations that floated through my mind hours before I left New Hope... still goes through my mind.  It was a catalyst for a deeper search.   The words in verse 24 resound in my mind and in my heart.


"therefore I will hope in him."

therefore, I will hope in Him.  in Him.

He is the mediator between my desires and my reality.
My wants and my needs.

I hope in Him to provide me with everything I need.  Everything that is and everything that was.

The journey continues.  I want to understand hope more.  To know what it means to FULLY cling to HIM in hope.  To hope with expectancy.  to hope with trust.

I want those words to flow out of my mouth naturally again.  Naturally because I understand His character a bit more.

 Today, I cling to Him and trust that He will show me how to hope in Him in ALL areas of life.

I continue the journey of understanding Him more and more.

To HIM be the GLORY

Hello! Hello! This post is a few paragraphs longer than most, but I really think  you will be encouraged by it. Our God can do ANYTHING! 





As many of you know, the journey started in the Spring of 2014.  Ketty was diagnosed with Esophageal Cancer.   Ketty was sick and treatment in Uganda was not possible.  We made the decision to go to Kenya.  And go we went.  We went unknowing what would happen...but with the peace and provision of our God.  

  

Ketty and I hopped a night bus and arrived into Kenya.  It was a long bus ride.... 

full of memories that will last a lifetime.  We arrived at the guest house and we both crashed.  Deep sleep for us both.  Unknowing of what the next day looked like..but knowing that our God was with us.  We knew the vertical presence of our God and the horizontal support of so many.  

We were tired... but we had arrived to the Kenya Cancer Centre.
In no time, Ketty was receiving treatment.


It was a year of journeying.  A year of many unknowns... but through it all we knew several things.
We knew our God was with us.
We knew He was good... no matter how the Story ended.
And we, for sure knew that the journey was not walked alone.  Ketty had many, many peeps walking with her.
She knew that.  I knew that.  And it was a gift!

Ketty was declared cancer free on October  24th.
We celebrated.  We were amazed.
We had just said goodbye to Wizeye.
Wizeye had been healed.  His healing just looked different.
He was in Heaven.
We celebrated the physical healing of Ketty.



A few weeks later.
Ketty started having symptoms.
We quickly realized something was not right.
Her left side was becoming weak.
Increasingly so.
Within a short time, she had a CT of her head.
Identified Cancer free one day.... and identified with brain tumors another.


To say there weren't a mix of emotions would be a lie.

We clung to our God as we processed the many emotions.

the many emotions.

So glad God wants to know our hearts and hear our pains.

We kept walking and we planned.

By Tuesday of the following week, Ketty and I were back on a plane.

Headed to the unknown.
But not unknown by our God.

Ketty was weak.  To be honest, I wasn't sure if the story would include her coming back to Uganda.

We arrived back to the Kenya Cancer Centre.

This time, radiation of the brain was ordered.

10 radiation treatments.  1 round of chemo.
Almost 3 weeks later...
  We returned back to Uganda.

The lady that left Uganda was not the same lady who returned 3 weeks later.

She was able to move her left side.  The side that barely worked when she had left.

She continued to walk.
Many around the world continued as they had... to walk.
In prayer support.
in Financial Support.
In words of encouragement.


At the end of December I said goodbye.
I was leaving for four months back in America.
Where I am today.


To be honest, I wasn't sure how deep my goodbye was.
Was it for four months?
Was it till we met again in heaven?
The reality is we never know how deep a goodbye is.


Yesterday, I flew to Portland.
The last time I did that.
I received the news that sweet baby Frank had died.
This time around, I awaited to hear the results of Ketty's scans.
I heard.
I took it in.
I didn't do the happy dance.
 I just absorbed.
And just absorbed some more.

God has done something huge.
And huge... not because Ketty is still breathing FREE of tumors.
Though that is REALLY amazing.
But huge.... because it is just really evident that He did it.
Statistically, things should have been different...
But we don't live under statistics.
We live under the POWER of our GOD.
And stink, HE IS POWERFUL!

I talked with Ketty on the phone this morning.
It was a moment of celebration.
A few minutes later, I talked with Mary (with Geoff in the background)
Another moment of celebration.
God's got this.  He always has.
And so we celebrate.
As I know many, many all over will.


What a journey it has been....
That is FOR sure.
To HIM ALONE be the GLORY.
HE has done HUGE things.
In HIS time...
in HIS way...
with HIS handprint ALL over it!

A huge Holla Holla to our God!

Following is an update with specifics concerning Ketty's trip to the doctor.  It was written by Mary.  We have been dubbed by Ketty as her doctors.  Not quite.  Not quite at all.  But together, we have loved on Ketty, taken her vitals, discussed her meds, and ensured she was wearing her face mask when needed and taking her meds.  


Dear friends of Aunt Ketty Okoth,

Our meeting with the oncologist began at 7:45 p.m. last night in Kampala. I had the CT scans and written report in my hands at 2 p.m., but the words of the radiologist were ambiguous so I kept my numerous thoughts to myself and didn't share them with Aunt Ketty as I didn't want to speak out of turn.

When we walked out of International Hospital Kampala after 8:30 last night we were beside ourselves with emotion. It had been a very long day. I had been awake since 3:15 a.m.and left for Kampala at 5 a.m., Geoff had taught in Kampala the day before to the Investment Year students and had stayed in town overnight, and Ketty had traveled to town with the Vogt family yesterday who took her to lunch to celebrate God's miracle work in her body--even before any of us knew actual CT results. 

The oncologist's words included: "remarkable improvement", "dramatic", "remarkable response to radiation", and as he provided details in medical terms of what he saw I noticed Ketty's glazed over look. She was not comprehending what was being said. She stopped him and started, "Doctor, forgive me, but if we could go back a little and review, what are you saying? Am I healed of the cancer?" To which he replied, "Yes, Ketty, you have responded well to the radiation and chemotherapy and it appears that the esophagus has no more cancer, and though there is a small spot on the brain, it is most likely scar tissue."  Ketty asked, "So, what does that mean? Are we done? What about my liver and abdomen?" He then gave her the good news that no sign of cancer was seen in any of the organs. Her face was unchanged except for her big eyes and raised eyebrows. She then breathed deeply, shook her head, clapped her hands and said, "God, be praised." The doctor reminded her of their words together before her being sent to Nairobi last November regarding expecting God to continue His healing in her. And so He has! The follow-up plan is to perform CT scans every six months unless she is experiencing symptoms warranting an earlier check. 

On the way home she called her family and I sent notification texts of the great news. Geoff simply tried to drive as safely as possible given that we were caught in Kampala Friday night jams and then were traveling in village darkness coupled with bright oncoming headlights until we reached home around 11:30 p.m. Some of her children and her husband were still awake and enthusiastically greeted her as we pulled up to their home. We fell into bed well after midnight, full of thanksgiving.

THANK YOU for you financial support, your prayers, your messages of encouragement to Ketty and her family and your faith in the LORD GOD's goodness! Please continue to pray for her body to remain free of cancer in the future. 

The follow-up CT scans cost $300 and each doctor consultation appointment costs $30 with transport at $65. Our first follow-up appointment is March 6 and is simply for her to meet with the doctor to discuss her progress. If you desire to be a part of the financial support for these costs you may send monies to New Hope Uganda Ministries, P.O. Box 154  Belle Fourche, South Dakota, 57717 designating it for the Ketty Cancer Fund on a separate piece of paper.

Thank you all so much for your amazing support throughout this journey!!!!!

A few days ago, I went to breakfast with my sis.  
In freezing cold Minnesota.  freezing cold is an understatement.  
Not that Fort Wayne is much warmer.  


At the restaurant... I spotted the millet porridge.
I immediately thought of Ketty.
Ketty LOVES her porridge.
And so I ordered some.
And ate in her honor.


Oh Ketty Okothi.  I love you friend!
SO thankful to have had the HONOR of walking with you.
Today, it's miles and miles away, but I am close to you in heart.
I stand in celebration.  celebration for what He has done in you.
Yes, for what He has done in your body.
But just as equally, if not more... for what He has done in your heart.

God-willing, I'll see you in a short while.

And so with that said... I leave  you with a few pictures from the last year.... 

Lucy, Ketty, and I having fun with the macbook picture taker.... 

We couldn't stop laughing...

This was way back... after the completion of ONE week of treatment...

A more "serious" picture...


TO HIM BE THE GLORY!